Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Zayn Malik
English singer.
Born January 12th, 1993 in Bradford.
Going-2-Die™ May 24th, 2026 at 33 years old
Aitor Cantalapiedra
Spanish association football player.
Born February 10th, 1996 in Barcelona.
Going-2-Die™ May 27th, 2026 at 30 years old
Ray Marshall
American government official.
Born August 22nd, 1928 in Oak Grove.
Going-2-Die™ May 23rd, 2026 at 97 years old
André Milhoux
Racecar driver.
Born December 9th, 1928 in Bressoux.
Going-2-Die™ May 24th, 2026 at 97 years old
René Cabrera
Bolivian footballer.
Born October 21st, 1925.
Going-2-Die™ May 25th, 2026 at 100 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1779544959
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3Nzk1NDQ5NTksImlkcyI6WzQzNzk1NSw1OTEyNiw0MzM0NzMs%0ANjI4NjMxLDE0ODk1Nl19%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
As a well spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death. Leonardo da Vinci