Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Joan Birman
U.s. mathematician.
Born May 30th, 1927 in New York City.
Going-2-Die™ May 17th, 2026 at 98 years old
Rafael Cadenas
Venezuelan writer.
Born April 8th, 1930 in Barquisimeto.
Going-2-Die™ May 20th, 2026 at 96 years old
Antonia Niedermaier
German cyclist and ski mountaineer (born 2003).
Born February 20th, 2003 in Rosenheim. [ref]
Going-2-Die™ May 20th, 2026 at 23 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1779011634
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3NzkwMTE2MzQsImlkcyI6WzQ0MDA2Myw1NjY3OCw2NzAyMSw2%0AOTk2ODksNTAzMzddfQ%3D%3D%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy. Scott Alexander