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Feeling experimental? Head on over to our newest (and darkest) feature: Next-2-Die™ predictions
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
Drum roll, please...
President of the united states (2017–2021; since 2025).
Born June 14th, 1946 in Jamaica Hospital Medical Center. [ref]
Going-2-Die™ June 3rd, 2026 at 79 years old
British footballer (born 1988).
Born October 22nd, 1988 in Corby.
Going-2-Die™ June 3rd, 2026 at 37 years old
French mathematician.
Born May 26th, 1924 in Saint-Étienne.
Going-2-Die™ June 6th, 2026 at 102 years old
Finnish politician and first lady of finland.
Born January 2nd, 1929 in Punkalaidun.
Going-2-Die™ June 5th, 2026 at 97 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1780479769
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3ODA0Nzk3NjksImlkcyI6WzQzODA5MCw0MzY5MDQsNDMxNTk1%0ALDI4OTc3NSw4MDQ5MF19%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
For life be, after all, only a waitin’ for somethin’ else than what we’re doin’; and death be all that we can rightly depend on. Bram Stoker