Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Dennis Rodman
American basketball player.
Born May 13th, 1961 in Trenton. [ref]
Going-2-Die™ April 24th, 2026 at 64 years old
Tyrus
American cable broadcaster and former professional wrestler.
Born February 21st, 1973 in Boston.
Going-2-Die™ April 22nd, 2026 at 53 years old
Nancy Olson
American actress.
Born July 14th, 1928 in Milwaukee.
Going-2-Die™ April 23rd, 2026 at 97 years old
Dick Hyman
American jazz pianist and composer.
Born March 8th, 1927 in New York City.
Going-2-Die™ April 22nd, 2026 at 99 years old
Arthur Foulkes
Bahamian politician.
Born May 11th, 1928 in Inagua.
Going-2-Die™ April 24th, 2026 at 97 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1776681730
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3NzY2ODE3MzAsImlkcyI6WzQ2NTQzLDMzNzk1LDQzNzIxNywx%0AMzU3NzIsMTAxNTc0XX0%3D%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
I don’t want to die without any scars. Chuck Palahniuk