Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Ellen DeGeneres
American comedian, television host, actress, and writer (born 1958).
Born January 26th, 1958 in Metairie.
Going-2-Die™ June 16th, 2026 at 68 years old
Yoshiro Nakamatsu
Japanese inventor.
Born June 26th, 1928 in Tokyo.
Going-2-Die™ June 16th, 2026 at 97 years old
Bianca Shomburg
German singer.
Born September 17th, 1974 in Hiddenhausen.
Going-2-Die™ June 13th, 2026 at 51 years old
Mario Sosa
Cuban footballer.
Born January 1st, 1910 in Havana.
Going-2-Die™ June 16th, 2026 at 116 years old
Maurice Macaire
French footballer.
Born November 22nd, 1881 in 6th arrondissement of Paris.
Going-2-Die™ June 14th, 2026 at 144 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1781383370
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3ODEzODMzNzAsImlkcyI6WzM4OTQ2OCw0MTU5NTcsNDM3MjM3%0ALDUzNTM0MSwxMDU2MTRdfQ%3D%3D%0A
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3ODEzODMzNzAsImlkcyI6WzM4OTQ2OCw0MTU5NTcsNDM3MjM3%0ALDUzNTM0MSwxMDU2MTRdfQ%3D%3D%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
Our minds are too small to comprehend something as huge as death. Let it go. Maxime Lagacé