Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Jackie Chan
Hong kong actor, singer and martial artist.
Born April 7th, 1954 in Victoria Peak.
Going-2-Die™ February 9th, 2026 at 71 years old
Colin McFarlane
British actor.
Born September 15th, 1961 in Upper Clapton.
Going-2-Die™ February 7th, 2026 at 64 years old
Ida Vitale
Uruguayan writer.
Born November 2nd, 1923 in Montevideo.
Going-2-Die™ February 7th, 2026 at 102 years old
Édouard Yves
Fencer.
Born October 26th, 1907 in Katakokombe.
Going-2-Die™ February 9th, 2026 at 118 years old
José Ruiz
Mexican footballer.
Born January 1st, 1904 in Mexico City.
Going-2-Die™ February 9th, 2026 at 122 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1770426696
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3NzA0MjY2OTYsImlkcyI6WzQzMDkxNiw0MDk3NTksNDEzNTk5%0ALDEwNjExNSwxMDQxNjFdfQ%3D%3D%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving