Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Tiffany Trump
American socialite, research assistant and reality television personality (born 1993).
Born October 13th, 1993 in West Palm Beach.
Going-2-Die™ June 20th, 2026 at 32 years old
Ethel May Collins
English supercentenarian (born 1909).
Born August 21st, 1909 in Shipton Bellinger. [ref]
Going-2-Die™ June 22nd, 2026 at 116 years old
Elias James Corey
American chemist.
Born July 12th, 1928 in Methuen.
Going-2-Die™ June 19th, 2026 at 97 years old
Charles Crahay
Fencer.
Born November 9th, 1889 in Antwerp.
Going-2-Die™ June 21st, 2026 at 136 years old
Oleksandr Irvanets
Ukrainian writer, playwright and poet.
Born January 24th, 1961 in Lviv.
Going-2-Die™ June 20th, 2026 at 65 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1781749199
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3ODE3NDkxOTksImlkcyI6Wzc0Mzc3OCw0NjUzMCwzOTcxNTYs%0ANjkyNDMxLDE0OTAzMl19%0A
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3ODE3NDkxOTksImlkcyI6Wzc0Mzc3OCw0NjUzMCwzOTcxNTYs%0ANjkyNDMxLDE0OTAzMl19%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
Whether or not there’s an afterlife, screw it. Just live your life right here right now before it’s too late. Maxime Lagacé