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Feeling experimental? Head on over to our newest (and darkest) feature: Next-2-Die™ predictions
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
Drum roll, please...
English singer-songwriter (born 1977).
Born March 2nd, 1977 in Exeter.
Going-2-Die™ June 19th, 2026 at 49 years old
Indian actress (born 1970).
Born May 11th, 1970 in Mumbai.
Going-2-Die™ June 21st, 2026 at 56 years old
French actress.
Born April 27th, 1925 in 14th arrondissement of Paris. [ref]
Going-2-Die™ June 19th, 2026 at 101 years old
Argentine footballer.
Born November 22nd, 1922 in Buenos Aires.
Going-2-Die™ June 18th, 2026 at 103 years old
Dutch rower.
Born May 11th, 1887 in Amsterdam.
Going-2-Die™ June 20th, 2026 at 139 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1781733444
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3ODE3MzM0NDQsImlkcyI6WzQzMjgwMiwzOTUwODAsNDI5NjUz%0ALDUyMjEwMiwxMjI5MDFdfQ%3D%3D%0A
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3ODE3MzM0NDQsImlkcyI6WzQzMjgwMiwzOTUwODAsNDI5NjUz%0ALDUyMjEwMiwxMjI5MDFdfQ%3D%3D%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
Whether or not there’s an afterlife, screw it. Just live your life right here right now before it’s too late. Maxime Lagacé