Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Reese Witherspoon
American actress and producer.
Born March 22nd, 1976 in New Orleans. [ref]
Going-2-Die™ May 1st, 2025 at 49 years old
Peter Hirsch
British metallurgist.
Born January 16th, 1925 in Berlin.
Going-2-Die™ May 5th, 2025 at 100 years old
Itzik Shmuli
Israeli politician.
Born February 8th, 1980 in Tel Aviv. [ref]
Going-2-Die™ May 3rd, 2025 at 45 years old
Júlio Duarte Langa
Mozambican cardinal.
Born October 27th, 1927 in Xai-Xai.
Going-2-Die™ May 4th, 2025 at 97 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1746034963
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3NDYwMzQ5NjMsImlkcyI6WzQzNjI1OCw0Mjc5OTMsNDAzNDIs%0ANTU0MTYwLDE1MTA0Ml19%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
Death? Be as proud as you want: bore me later, because Love is sovereign here. Life never ends. Joy comes in the morning. Glory hallelujah. And let it be so. Anne Lamott