Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Lyndsay French
Ridiculously good-looking.
Born September 21st, 1983.
Going-2-Die™ September 21st, 2025 at 42 years old
Imelda Marcos
Former first lady of the philippines.
Born July 2nd, 1929 in Manila.
Going-2-Die™ September 21st, 2025 at 96 years old
Thea Musgrave
Scottish composer.
Born May 27th, 1928 in Edinburgh.
Going-2-Die™ September 22nd, 2025 at 97 years old
Antonin Rolland
French cyclist.
Born September 3rd, 1924 in Sainte-Euphémie. [ref]
Going-2-Die™ September 19th, 2025 at 101 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1758184715
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3NTgxODQ3MTUsImlkcyI6WzQ4MzYwLDQzMjA2Miw0Mzg4Nzcs%0ANjEzMzE3LDY0NTMwOF19%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
If life must not be taken too seriously, then so neither must death. Samuel Butler