Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Shailene Woodley
American actress.
Born November 15th, 1991 in San Bernardino.
Going-2-Die™ September 20th, 2025 at 33 years old
Robert Kuok
Malaysian businessman.
Born October 6th, 1923 in Johor Bahru.
Going-2-Die™ September 20th, 2025 at 101 years old
Eva Schloss
Austrian concentration camp survivor.
Born May 11th, 1929 in Vienna.
Going-2-Die™ September 19th, 2025 at 96 years old
Marcelo Lomba
Brazilian footballer.
Born December 18th, 1986 in Rio de Janeiro.
Going-2-Die™ September 21st, 2025 at 38 years old
Constantin Stanciu
Romanian footballer.
Born April 13th, 1911 in Bucharest.
Going-2-Die™ September 23rd, 2025 at 114 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1758241900
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3NTgyNDE5MDAsImlkcyI6WzQzODU5Miw0MzA3NjIsNDE3NDc1%0ALDU4NTg3NywxNTI2ODBdfQ%3D%3D%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
If we lose love and self respect for each other, this is how we finally die. Maya Angelou