Who's next?
We've been crunching the numbers...
Some people say this a waste of talent, and a waste of computing resources. Maybe.
Others have said this proves we lack class, or even basic decency. Very possible.
Regardless, our research shows almost everybody just wants to know one thing:
Which notable people are most likely to die next??
How could anyone answer this question? Impossible isn't it? Only baby jesus could know such things right???
Prepare to have your mind blown. Introducing:
The Deathpulse Reaper-Quant Team ™
Brilliant. Dark. Human-computer machines.
We write algorithms only the darkest and most depraved computers can interpret, and execute.
Nerds. We barely pay them anything, but they live for this death stuff. So what's the harm? We all get to "reap" (hahaha) the benefits!
The Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions are:
Drum roll, please...
Meryl Streep
American actress.
Born June 22nd, 1949 in Summit. [ref]
Going-2-Die™ November 16th, 2025 at 76 years old
Ilfenesh Hadera
American actress.
Born December 1st, 1985 in New York City.
Going-2-Die™ November 17th, 2025 at 39 years old
Norman Podhoretz
American neoconservative pundit (born 1930).
Born January 16th, 1930 in Brownsville.
Going-2-Die™ November 19th, 2025 at 95 years old
Junji Nishikawa
Japanese association football player.
Born June 29th, 1907 in Japan.
Going-2-Die™ November 19th, 2025 at 118 years old
Marcelino Vargas
Paraguayan footballer.
Born February 1st, 1921 in Paraguay.
Going-2-Die™ November 20th, 2025 at 104 years old
Spooky right?? Well...if any of these predictions come true it would be.
C'mon, you'd be impressed. You'd tell a friend. Maybe click on an advertisement or two?
And if they don't come true?
Suppose that's good news, cause these fine people will live to reap (hahaha) another day!
Prediction run #1763296148
Algorithm v0.2
Quant employee ID 348
We'll keep improving our predictions, but you can share these exact results using:
https://www.deathpulse.com/next?key=eyJydW4iOjE3NjMyOTYxNDgsImlkcyI6WzQyNzMyNiw0MTMzMDIsNDIyMjIs%0AMTQyNzkxLDExMjE4MF19%0A
Ya'll come on back any time for more Deathpulse.com Next-2-Die™ predictions!
The idea is to die young as late as possible. Ashley Montagu